Hot Boots, Fat Calves, and Christeve

Fat Calves and Hot Boots. They only time they work together is in that sentence I just wrote.

Not on a body. Just in words.

I just had some Hot Boots delivered from Mod Cloth. I am a Mod Clothaholic. Here are said Hot Boots of which are longer in stock because I got one of the last pair:

*sizzle* and there will be NO pictures of my calves thankyouverymuch!

They are NOT leather, but they are affordable. And you don’t say ‘man-made’ anymore. That is sooo 2010. You say ‘Vegan’ because yes they are delicious and no animals were injured in the making of these boots.

But men’s hearts will break when they see me in these boots, thus sustaining injury.

If only I could get them on.

The laces that I were counting on for some ‘give’ are merely decor. When I realized this I panicked a little A LOT! I put them on and

PULLED

UP!

Dang. Stoppage. Right about mid calf. They were on but they had a slouch look to them. And that is so 2000whatever. I wanted to wear them over jeans and that just ain’t happening. I can’t wear them over tights, or skin no less.

So I went online to see if I could chat with someone at Mod Cloth about my predicament. Now, I am no stranger to online customer service encounters, but what I got this time threw me for a loop.

The name of the person with whom I would be chatting with was Christine, but the image of this person screamed STEVE. How was I supposed to tell Christeve about my fat calves? So this is how I handled it. (click the picture to read it if you are over 40, makes it bigger)

Now I’m pretty sure that I’m chatting with a woman, if only she would complain about her fat calves…………

I probably will keep the Hot Boots. I will try to make them stretch a bit. If not.. they are an 8 1/2, so if one of you skinny calved little @#*! want them let me know.

These boots DO fit! And you know I’ve needed some red boots for a very long time. Christeve thought they were awesome too.

*SIZZLE*

So I may have Fred Flinstone legs, but I’ve got Wilma’s style!

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11 thoughts on “Hot Boots, Fat Calves, and Christeve

  1. OH *Swoon*. Those red boots. I am now drooling.
    I don’t suppose they make them in a 4E width….cause that is a man’s size.
    I should have been born a Drag Queen.

    ~Michelle

  2. LIsa, you are speaking my language. A patient of mine years ago complimented me on my “BIG LEGS” (hers were skinny and she liked mine) and Paul will NOT let me forget. (Why did I share with him in the first place.) I got a pair of tall black dress boots last year that are leather in front but stretchy spandex in back and love them! So comfy and cute.

  3. Oh, honey, I feel your pain. Those boots are smokin! Have you taken them in to a shoe repair place? They can put elastic darts in, which DOES cut down on the hotness, but just a little. I have mammoth, manly, bowling ball calves, so there have been many a boot that I have lovingly stroked, then left in the store. BUT, we will never suffer from cankles, so yay!

  4. Haha, loved this entry (particularly your chat with the ModCloth care person – funny that she has that stock image up, though)! And as I mentioned on ModCloth’s Facebook page, this is totally the story of my life. For the most part I’ve given up on knee-high boots – ankle boots are an okay alternative – but I do wish I could wear them. I know people who’ve gotten their boots stretched or modified at a shoe repair shop to enlarge the shaft, but I’ve always been too lazy to try that!

  5. big fan of Christeve..and I believe that is she/he were a cobbler she/he would of so helped you out…I would of..cobbler or not, I will come help stretch boots if need. ❤

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