WHAT did he say?!

My son cracks me up.. oh my gosh the things that boy says, really. We had a long but fun day today. My hubby was pretty sick, so the rest of us were out of the house entertaining ourselves. The. Whole. Day. Lucky for me I was able to see an old college friend, meet his cool wife and their adorable neverstoppedmoving little girl. But this blog is about River, now nearly seven, and the things he comes up with.

By the time we dragged ourselves back home we were all in a tired, happy, delirium. We wrapped up the evening in our favorite way: PJ’s on and sandwiched in Mom and Dad’s bed to hear the next few chapters in Peter and the Shadow Thieves. Things were really starting to heat up…no really, my kids were getting too warm under the down comforter in fleecy jammies. So.. River.. who prefers no jammies, but undies and a T-shirt announces matter of factually:

“I’m going to sleep in JUST MY UNDERWEAR!” and he tears off his t-shirt.
“Thanks for the announcement Riv, can I continue reading?”
“What Mom?!?! I’m just hot! But not in the gross way.”
“Huh? What’s the gross way?”
“Well, YOU are hot in the gross way, you know mom… like FASHION?!?!?!?! (Says with the ‘duh’ tone)
He means HAWT. He thinks his mom is gross HAWT. That is funny, and kind of gross, but mostly cute.
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And here’s a great one from the past, when he was only 3 or 4. My mom recalled it over Thanksgiving:
My beloved granparent’s home smells. Respectfully, I know that the homes of many elderly people smell, my grandparent’s home was that plus the smells of three large, hairy, lovable, however stinky, companions (labs). So I forewarned my children to NOT SAY ANYTHING about the smell. Cuz if I didn’t say something about IT, they were sure to say something about IT in front of my dear grandparents. With the kids prepped, we enter the house and hit a WALL of thick smell. Ruby, God bless her, did not say a word but just plugged each nostril with a finger. Awkward, but silent, none the less.
River.. he totally got, in his young age, that we were to stow our own comfort for the sake of good manners. After a while.. he sighs, and says,”I’m just going to head out side for some fresh air.” I’m not making this up people. He was at best 4 when he said this. He lingered outside for awhile and when he came back in, he said loud and proud,” You know mom, I’m kind of liking in the smell in here now.” He was trying to make my grandparents feel good. I was too overcome with love for my thoughtful and compassionate boy to care that the entire room was silently aware of the smell that surrounded us.

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Thanksgiving in my hometown

My family departed our home last night to spend Thanksgiving with my folks in my hometown of Sequim.  My brother and sister-in-law and their darling children will be joining us as well.  My sister lives in North Carolina and will unfortunately not be able to join us, but her family is touring Williamsburg, Yorktown, and Jamestown and we will miss them very much.

Upon our arrival, we stopped at the local market to pick up a couple bottles of wine for supper, I was looking for a Sangioviese, and maybe a nice Australian Syrah.  As I stood in line I could hear the whispering of the local commoners.

“Is that, you know…her? (points to the cover of Vogue magazine)”  No.. no… I don’t think so.  Who is it though…she looks like SOMEONE.  Definitely not from around here.”

“She looks foreign.. .maybe she’s from France.. I mean.. look at her clothes.. I’ve never seen shoes like that. Does she talk funny?”

“No.. she used some words I don’t know.. but it was English.. maybe she’s from New York.  That’s prolly it.  She’s a city girl.  Hhmmpf.  What is she doin here?”

I just blushed and pretended not to hear their comments, although.. commoners don’t generally have a sense of their volume.  I paid and thanked the clerk then made my way to our Jag.  I closed the car door the waft of the chilled air snapped me back to reality.  I was in a Volkswagen van..and I dreamed up the whole store episode.  Darnit… but look at me… wouldn’t you think I was an elegant out-of-towner?  Wouldn’t you?

glamor me

Right, back to reality though…and the reality of my Thanksgiving is this:

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My parents have a small home and so our accommodations are my uncle’s motor home.  It is a 1978 American Clipper.  The bumper sticker on the back says,”I’m not losing hair, I’m getting head.”  That cracks me up.  My parents are actually very classy people, of course they are.. that is where I get it… class is inherited don’t you know! The reason I am in a pink robe is because I was just easing my back pain in their therapeutic hot tub.

Our accommodations are really quite clean and cozy, even though they sport the 78′ fake wood paneling and orange and brown interior.    Through the eyes of my children it is the coolest car EVER.  Here we are in the sleeping quarters:

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So… I would really rather be in the cozy presence of my family than the elegant facade in my brain.  Hope you have a REAL wonderful Thanksgiving everyone!

My FAVORITE Magazine is………..

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Ode.

Their tagline is “for intelligent optimists.”  Like.. duh!  That is so me, I think…….

Actually I do have a serious side.  This is the best magazine I’ve seen.  Sure.. I also get Cottage Living, and BHG,  Country Home, Family Fun…..oh and Newsweek (thanks Mom and Dad.)  But Ode is the one I READ.  Page after page after  ever-lovin page.  It is the one I buy for friends (Dave) and family ( Mom and Dad).  I even bought it for work to keep in our faculty lounge to inspire our fabulous teachers, not that they need it because the ooze intelligent optimism.

It is filled with hope. Chock full of it.  You don’t even know how addicting HOPE can be.  My December issue just came today…. and as I am thinking of what a bleak Christmas we will have.. with two mortgages on our backs and the fear of the recession on its way… is rejoicing in the recession.

What?  Why?!  Because they are HOPEFUL that it will reshape our priorities.  It will replace the greed driven capitalism of the US and UK with one that balances human needs with economics.  There are several articles that speak to the opportunity for the right kind of change.  Whew!

And there article about health, spirituality, books, news and just plain life.  It is so great!  Please check it out… Please!  It is so good for you!

Do these pants make my ( Y ) look big?

Oh… had one of those tender verbal exchanges between husband and wife today. On our way back from church.. went a little something like this:

Me: So… honey do these pants look ok on me… you know, do they make my butt look big?
Him: No..but they do accentuate them.
Me: THEM!?!?!
Him: Huh?
Me: Is my butt soooo big you have to refer to it in plural? THEM?!?
Him: No.. well you know..cheeks.. oh dammit.

And there you have it people. Just as boobs are often referred to as “the girls,” or “the twins,” my butt is now “THEM.” To his credit, he loves “THEM” and these pants are cut in away that would accentuate “their” curvaceousness. Well, at least I won’t ever need buttock implants which seem to be all the rage in London these days. That’s right people….”THEIR” real!

Mama needs her medi’zin’

Typical day folks.. typical.  Get my family all prepared for their day… and head off to work.  Do my general supportin’ the staff bit.. play mom to a couple sick kids at school.. you know “my job.”  Left at my usual time.. to pick up my kids and and the neighbor’s kids at school to head home.  That’s when I went down hill.

The children in my van were obnoxious.  ‘Sept my son.  I was dialin’ out his requests on my ipod.. he and I  are pretty tight with our love for music.  Little U2, some Coldplay, and then an old favorite from the 80’s, Nik Kershaw.. Wouldn’t it be Good.  My boy loves this song. Me too.. that’s why it’s on my ipod fool.

So the other three start goofin to the song.. dancing weird in their seats and screwing up their faces.  Totally disrespectin the tunes.  River and I were insulted.  The “others” don’t know good music.  Needless to say it put me in a crabby mood when I got home.

For no apparent reason it got worse.  The noise.  The sight of them.  Their NEEDS for cryin out LOUD!  My neighbor (dear friend that I love) picked up her offspring and I was left to deal with just my own.  Kids are kids.. but gosh I was an open wound and they were the salt tonight.  Fortunately, they have a little church get together across the street every Thursday and they were out of my hair for a while.

But my husband saw this is an opportunity for “love.”  I looked at him and said, “You have got to be kidding me!  I am so crabby right now I could kill something!” I swear to the Almighty he could not read body language if it was in 46 pt Arial Bold Font..know what I’m sayin?

“Baby.. maybe you need some wine….”  Me, “yeah… prolly.  Bring it.”  he does.. with a shot of scotch.

Mama is happy in no time.  SWEEEEET.  I can’t believe how well that chilled me out.  Why don’t I do this every night?!  Not the shot mind you, but the wine.  Tonight was a cab-merlot. Tomorrow I’ll try a Zin, my mede’zin.’ Get it?

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Vitamin Fail

My son, whom I love to the ends of the earth… frustrates me.  We, in my family, are ALL taking some vitamins called Juice Plus.  We are even participating in a study on the benefits of it in children’s health.  Dr. Sears, yes, THE Dr. Sears is a huge fan of Juice Plus, cuz it is just plain good for you.

Now… my son stops right there at the “good for you” part.  That boy doesn’t even hesitate at scarfing down a marsh mellow…or candy…or whip cream.  He doesn’t hardly chew his food when he eats anyway, a trait he unfortunately inherited from me.  But HE. WILL. NOT. SWALLOW. THIS. PILL! We’ve done everything positive to help him with this.  We researched ways to help him.  We started practicing with tic tacs.  We upgraded to Mike and Ikes, and those are bigger than this pill.  No problem getting the candy down.  But not something good for you.

We tried logic.  We tried Biology.  We tried bribery.  We tried humor.  I taped my face. I DID.  My nose up in the air.  My eyelids to my forehead.   My upper lip to my nose and my bottom lip to my chin.  I don’t have a picture to share, I have some dignity. I convinced him that he had to save my face from the tape.  He could remove it after he swallowed the pill.  We were laughing.. hard to do with tape… and it still failed.

So now we are sitting here after an hour.  After tears. Gagging. Excuses.  The humor is gone.  The patience is gone.  This is a battle of wills.  He has won before because we did not want to traumatize him, but now I am sure he is playing us with emotional wargames.   You see… he has swallowed these before.  But now  he refuses. It is not like he can’t do it.  He has already done it.

He is not a veggie loving fruit eating child. He loves his bread. He loves his cheese. He loves his sweets, which we certainly limit. You know kids health these days is … you know… awful! Obesity, diabetes, ADHD…. immune system problems. We just want our kids to be healthy.

So he is sitting here crying….still. Mark and I are sitting here with him….still. I am feeling like a total A-hole watching him cry. And through his sobs he argues his case, so carefully and articulately. He has convinced himself that it is an impossible task. But he has already done it.

Oh the insanity. Oh the internal profanity! A hate these kind of battles! Am I the worst mom in the world for doing this. For holding my ground for the sake of my son’s health at the risk of scarring him emotionally for life?

Well, at least he will eat his vegetables in the insane asylum.
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Dave….

Dude…

Blog. I’m tired. And hurtin. Working too much.  Will right something significant for your entertainment soon. For now this is all I got:

Blog.

peace,

me