My fren Jen….

A picture is worth a thousand words right? Well I’m to tired to write so I’m throwing some few thousand visual words your way.
Here’s some music to listen to while you look. But because I am techtarded, or blogtarded, you need to open this link below in another browser window so it plays in the background, then click back to my blog to look at the pics, yo.

You\'re My Best Friend

Me and Jen is friends.. good friends

Me and Jen is friends.. good friends

Sometimes she freaks out though.....

Sometimes she freaks out though.....

And I have to smack the sense back into her

And I have to smack the sense back into her

And she's so grateful.....

And she's so grateful.....

Don't know what I'd do without her.  She cracks me up.

Don't know what I'd do without her. She cracks me up.

Oh..and a shout out to another friend…Dave. Dude, happy birthday. Your old. Your gonna start growing hair out your ears.

Going for cute….but nailed sexy….

Yep…that’s what he said.  The UPS man did.  There I was, mindin my biddness…signin for a package at work when he smiles at me in my cleverly thought out outfit and says, “I know you were going for cute, but you nailed sexy.”

Oh my.

I blush.. and can’t come up with anything witty to say back.  He’s flirty, and trouble harmless, and honestly it MADE MY DAY!  I was all strutting around after that.. “yeah… I nailed sexy.  That’s right.”  No one needs to know that I have granny panties on.  No one needs to know that the hair on my legs is 1/2 an inch long……cuz …. I…(skipping)….am…..(skipping)…sexy (still skipping)… today!

I told my husband, not to make him jealous, but because I thought it was such a great, you know, way to say it.  He didn’t appreciate it.  I was all about the how it was said.. and he lingered on the who that said it.

Wha?

So… because I take my appearance so seriously, I thought I would indulge you all on the “look” that brought on the “comment.”

I know… HOT huh?

Ok.. so that is not what I looked like.  But isn’t this great?!?!?  Supa Star blogger Jennyonthespot turned me onto this site, yearbookyourself.com.  She is so funny I nearly fell out of my seat when I saw her pictures, and her husband’s.  Speaking of husbands…. check out this hottie.

Dang ladies, I know..but he is ALL MINE.  Bwow chicka bwow bwow!

Renter Rant.

I am feeling…. in a word…….GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!

Our renter bailed 5 months into a year lease.  She didnt’ pay last months rent (kept promising to).  She didn’t pay a damage/cleaning deposit (kept promising to).  She didn’t pay for September’s rent (is still promising).  She didn’t clean.  She didn’t scoop her dog’s poo in the back yard.  She said she didn’t smoke, but obviously did (cigarette butts outside).

She really seemed like a great person.  And in my heart, I think she had the best intentions.  It seems as though, as soon as she moved in, she fell on hard times.  Car broke down.  Lost her job.   Unexpected expenses.  There are a lot of people going through hard times right now, so Mark and I were compassionate.  We let things slide a bit.  Gave her more time.  She sounded ashamed and depressed.  She got to a point were she just couldn’t afford the place and had to move. She apologized repeatedly for putting us in a tough spot.  Her life had been on a real roll, great new job…. things were steady….and then not.  We really felt for her situation.

But she didn’t even clean.  She didn’t take care of our house.  And she didn’t pay.  We still have to pay…2 mortgages.  We are not rolling in cash..not even close.  This was our first home and we decided to hang onto it as an investment, knowing that we were going to be living lean for a while.  I love that house.  Brought my babies home there and lived there for 9 years.  It is a really cool house.  She didn’t take care of it.  When I went there today I was just pissed.  Mad… cleaning… disgusted with the dirt and dog hair.  I was mad for a long time.

As I’ve been sitting here ranting, and going over the state of the house, I remembered something that happened when we went over there today.  I had the kids with me.  Ruby came down with some garbage.  She could tell how mad I was and was trying to join me in my frustration. “Look at this garbage I found upstairs Mommy!”  It was the wrapper of a sample of an anti-depressant.  The kind a doctor would give you.  And it hits me.

Yes, most of you might still think I am a total sucker.  But have you ever been close to a person going through depression?  I have.  She was on a downward spiral.  No money, endless bills. At risk of losing her job.  Her house was a disaster, and her kids were ……they were all on the brink.  The whole scene was out of character for her; a stylish, intelligent, loving mom.  Her circumstances led to a deep depression.  Five of us, her close friends, did an intervention.  It was so hard and took a while, but it worked.  She’s back in the game and tending to her friends if they seem to falter.  She’s lovely now.  But what a hell to get through.

So, I don’t know, maybe I am just a sucker.  But I think the fact that Ruby showed me that particular piece of garbage was God’s way of telling me not to judge.  We’ve done fine by giving her a break, even if it puts us in a financial pinch for bit.  We are supported by family all around.  If she had the same support, she wouldn’t have struggled so much.

There, not growling anymore.  Sad for her, grateful for what I have.

I’m your mother not your……….


Absolutely bananas has this great bit going on “I’m your mother, not your fill in the blank.”  Now, there are a lot of things that I have been to my kids, the referee, the waitress, the mani/pedi beautician, even the proctologist on occasion.  But the thing they abuse use me for the most is the keeper of all knowledge of misplaced items.  Like, what kind of a job would that be anyway?  Maybe a department store clerk? “Ma’am, can you tell me where I can find the object I placed in its incorrect spot?”  No, not a clerk.  Keeper of the lost and found?  That would assume that I collect items not in their assigned places and put them together somewhere else.  Well, I kind of do that, when I’m pissed that the house is a mess.  Its called the trash.  But this is not quite it either.

It’s the “Mom, where is my bunny, my school book, my SHOES, my lunchbox, my brain.”  “WHERE?” How can I be expected to do this job?  I am not omniscient!  It’s like they expect me to be God, cuz he knows everything.   But I won’t be blasphemous here.

The most common request in my house comes from Ruby and it is this:

Ruby:  Mom, where’s Bunny?

Me:  She’s not in your bed?

Ruby: No.

Me:  Well, I don’t know, where did you have her last?

Ruby:  The beach.

Me:…(says nothing…just blinks)

Ruby:  The apple tree at the beach.

Me: oh gosh hon, it is past 9:00, it’s dark.  Maybe we could look in the mor-

Ruby: MOM PAAAALEASE! I CAN’T SLEEP WITH OUT HER!

Me: Ok

Here’s the other one.  “Mom, I can’t find Bunny!”  I tell her to stay in bed.. and I look around a bit.  Finally I found bunny in the bathroom.  This is one of my favorite pictures. EVER.

I’m your mother, not your finder of lost things, but you know.. I will always look.

Coffee…….not!

My boss donated a new coffee maker at work.  Bless his heart. 12 cupper.  The kind that you just press a button and it fills your cup.  No more leaky carafes.  Its all good right?

Then, he’s like, “but Lisa, let me show you how much coffee to use.  This new coffee maker doesn’t require as much grounds.”  He shows me an ittty bitty little scooper.  Like….. a teaspoon size people.  “You only need three scoops.”

Now I am kind.  And I am respectful. But I am not stupid and I am dang serious about my drink.  I throw my hands to my hips, cock my head sideways and respond, “oh…..really?”  Him, “Really.”

So now, hands off hips, with open palms to him, “okay, you make this pot.”  Open palms saying ‘I can not be held responsible for the faculty freak out when they see this.’

So, here’s what I heard and saw:

One teacher, “uh…. Lisa?  Did you make this?”  Me, “Nope.  Boss did.”

Another teacher, “Lisa, the coffee is REALLY weak this morning.” Me, “yep, I know.  Wadnt’ me.”

Another teacher raised their mug at me and screwed up their face in disappointment.”This is NOT coffee.”

Me, “yeah…not in WASHINGTON STATE it isn’t!”  And then I get going, get the giggles about this ridiculous should-be-illegal coffee.  It comes out of the coffee maker in a faint shade of brown that would not even equate to lipton ice tea.  I like strong coffee.  It hits me, and I blurt out, “This is like the Coors light of coffee!  Its like a light beer for crying out loud!”  As I am nearly falling out of my chair having totally amused myself, my co-worker shushes me.  Oh yeah… I work at a school, maybe not so much the jokes about beer huh?

So, guess I’ll be hitting the drive thru latte stand on my way in to work now.

The other day at the mall…..

We saw Barack Obama.   He was kind enough to pose with us for a picture, to the delight of the children.  We took several pictures, his smile in this one was the best, even though it makes my arm look kinda chubby. I knew I would put this on my blog, so I wanted to be respectful and get his best smile:


We were still in our church clothes, conveniently. I must say he looks pretty thin.  I know I could make most people look thin, but his side profile…yeesh!  His campaign crew is apparently not feeding him well.   We heard Palin was in town too, and she was greating people in Walmart in the guns and ammo section.  We pretty much passed on that.  You know, Walmart and guns.. not our thing.

Bama Bama he’s our man, if he can’t do it…..I’ll move to Canada.

Worth the laugh….

So there I am, lying on a massage table getting a therapeutic massage at my Chiro’s office.  I’m in pain.  My siatic is spastic.  I. Hate. My. Back.  Scoliosis jacks me up all the time.  And this time… it hurts so bad I can’t even sleep at night.

And she tells me a joke that makes me laugh HARD.  I’m face/stomach down on a massage table laughing my head off through that little donut hole pillow.  With a completely screwed up back.

Does this seem like a good thing to do?  Can you imagine what my back must have been thinking during poking and kneeding, to have the stomach now go into spasm?  What was this massage therapist thinking?!

She was thinking.. this woman will love this joke.  True that.

Old lady has just lost her husband of many years, and the thought of living without him is unbearble.  So, she decides she is going to end it all.  She has a gun, and wants to shoot herself right in the heart, get it over with quickly.  But just to be sure, she calls her doc and says,” Doc, can you tell me precisely where my heart is located?”  Doc says, “it is just below your left breast.”

She was later taken to the emergency room for a gunshot wound to her……..left knee.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH…….

oh, my back!