Absolutely bananas has this great bit going on “I’m your mother, not your fill in the blank.” Now, there are a lot of things that I have been to my kids, the referee, the waitress, the mani/pedi beautician, even the proctologist on occasion. But the thing they abuse use me for the most is the keeper of all knowledge of misplaced items. Like, what kind of a job would that be anyway? Maybe a department store clerk? “Ma’am, can you tell me where I can find the object I placed in its incorrect spot?” No, not a clerk. Keeper of the lost and found? That would assume that I collect items not in their assigned places and put them together somewhere else. Well, I kind of do that, when I’m pissed that the house is a mess. Its called the trash. But this is not quite it either.
It’s the “Mom, where is my bunny, my school book, my SHOES, my lunchbox, my brain.” “WHERE?” How can I be expected to do this job? I am not omniscient! It’s like they expect me to be God, cuz he knows everything. But I won’t be blasphemous here.
The most common request in my house comes from Ruby and it is this:
Ruby: Mom, where’s Bunny?
Me: She’s not in your bed?
Me: Well, I don’t know, where did you have her last?
Ruby: The beach.
Me:…(says nothing…just blinks)
Ruby: The apple tree at the beach.
Me: oh gosh hon, it is past 9:00, it’s dark. Maybe we could look in the mor-
Ruby: MOM PAAAALEASE! I CAN’T SLEEP WITH OUT HER!
Here’s the other one. “Mom, I can’t find Bunny!” I tell her to stay in bed.. and I look around a bit. Finally I found bunny in the bathroom. This is one of my favorite pictures. EVER.
I’m your mother, not your finder of lost things, but you know.. I will always look.