Viewer Discretion Advised….

This blog is rated G.  G for GROSS.

Oh my heck.  You guys will not dig this.  This is gross.  So if you can’t stomach gross, today’s blog is not for you.  I, being the fabulous red headed freckly cutie pie that I am, happen to be subject to……skin cancer screenings.  Yeah.. I know…go in once a year, get my epiderm looked over by my Dr. Derm, get an all clear and off I go, till next year.   But this year I had this cranky “mole” on the back side of my upper arm.  Moles are really freckles with ugly egos, and this one was a little reddish, itchy, looking to start sumtin.  So I go in.. and she’s cut out of my arm.  Sent off to a lab only to be called “not cancer…but not normal.”

She was like pre-pre-cancer.  Like, one day I forgot the sunblock and she was all…”no you di’nt.  I’ll show you… I can start sumtin.”  Ha… I’m like, ” Ya think?  I’ll cut your sorry red scratchy ass right off my arm B’atch.  Now who’s laughing?…ain’t me.

Turns out.. her abnormal nature required (even with a 2nd opinion) that the area in which “said b’atch” resided needs to be removed as well.  HUH?  Cut up my arm some more?  Alternative…potential death.  Ok.. bring on the knife.  I am a cheerful patient.  My sweet Dr. kept saying how sorry she was that there was going to be a scar… longish, scar.  So apologetic.  I was like, “Gosh, do I look vain?  Really?”  Then I said..sista…best you check out my ankle.  Scars don’t scare me…that mother is FIVE FRANKENSTIEN inches long with screws.  Fa real.

Now… I really could care less how big this scar is.  She had to go deep too.  My arms are fine.. Not my “problem” area.   I would have liked it more if I had to have this done to say…..my stomach.  That was the cut.  you know.. like tummy tuck on the back of my arm.  But here’s the thing, within 24 hours it is infected.

Dammit!  It HURTS.  It ITCHES!  It is SWOLLEN! It made a grown man turn and squirm!  Wanna see it?

This picture was at about 10 in the morning today, one day after surgery.  Now.. it is freakishly puffy, horribly reddish, and unbelievably itchy.  I saw Dr. Derm again this afternoon in a panic and she confirmed it was infuckted.  Taking antibiotics now.  Hope it gets better before it gets worse.

You wanna know what kind of mom I am?  Sick in the head.  Last night, when it was hurting, I tucked my whole arm inside my shirt and went to give my kids the “one armed Mama” hug.  This is what mama would look like without her arm.

True, sick huh.  But my kids get me and we all laughed and hugged with the one arm pat on the back.

Sorry if I made you spew. Hope I made you laugh.  Now….. go get your skin checked. You don’t want to mess with the Melanoma stuff!  A scar is so much better than the alternative, right?

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5 thoughts on “Viewer Discretion Advised….

  1. ewwww. That’s nizasty!
    That’s all right. Scars are wicked awesome. When someone asks where you got it, you can get all squinty eyed and be like, “Got this in Nam” or “if I told you, I’d have to kill you”.
    I hope at least going through all this, you are getting a clean bill of health…besides the whole infection thing.

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