Gravity 534, Lisa ZERO!

Today I pretty much fell outside a post office in downtown Suquamish at…oh… 9:00 in the morning. The little voice in my head tried to warn me against it……she always knows what’s coming. The pavement usually.

Picture this: Me… ready to head out the door to work… Dressed, lunches made for kids, everyone kissed.. last thing to do is slip on my shoes. Outfit calls for: black flip flops.

Voice says: No! the flip flops are too new… you will fall for sure, they are not broken in yet. Not the flip flops!

Me: Hey.. I don’t think I feel like wearing my flip flops. They are still kind of stiff. I might FALL.

So… I then look at the time, panic, and stick my NAKED feet into my CLOGS.

Voice says: Are you friggin nuts woman!?!?! Clogs with no socks!? STUPID! YOU’LL BE SLIDING ALL OVER THE PLACE YOU STUPID FOOL!

Me: Shut the F*%# up voice! I’m gonna be late!

Out to door I go, and in no time at all my feet are sweating, naked in my Dansko clogs. Now folks, these are the Dansko Marcelle clog in black, a mary jane morphed with clog. Very cute with funky socks, and incredibly comfortable when I am able to be ‘upright.’ Aren’t they cute:

I stop at the little post office in the little spot of Suquamish I drive through on the way to worky. I get out of my car, look directly at the long cement parking barrier in the space next to me. I look right at it, as if with caution.

Voice says: Make sure you step that sweaty footed clog OVER the parking barrier dufus!

and…one…….step……toward it……andIamimmediatelysuckeddowntothecurb.

I’m 38 now.. so I stay on the ground for a few seconds to make sure nothing is broken. Broken bones matter more than broken pride these days. No one comes to my aid. No one saw? Perhaps.

Voice says: You are infact, yes…. a total idiot. Good luck the rest of the day in THOSE shoes missy!

My left side took the punch again. Just like the night of the Golden Acorn Awards. I predict that when I’m really old, if I can still wear clogs, I will prolly break that hip first. Why do I fall on that side? Must be that one gimpy short leg.

I head across the street, carefully, to meet my husband because the whole reason I am even here is to pick him up after he takes our van to the shop. I say… “I pretty much just fell in front of the post office Mark.”

Laughter.

He drops me off at work, and as I am rubbing my elbow, I tell my co-worker Terry… “yeah, I fell at the post office.”

More Laughter.

I guess laughter is what I bring to the world. That, and my body with blunt force.

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2 thoughts on “Gravity 534, Lisa ZERO!

  1. Uh. Mah. Gah.

    My apologies…

    My only sadness is that I wasn’t there to see it. I’d have bent over you – to laugh. I’d have stretched out my arm – to POINT AND LAUGH. I’d have been rendered helpless for all my LAUGHING. Heck, I might have fallen over too – IN LAUGHTER!

    *rolling on floor… hugging gut… laughing*

    I am so in love with you. Plutonic of course…

  2. Okay, this was worth waiting for. I can just picture it. Maybe some locals strolling past the P.O. toward JC’s Market for their after-breakfast Bud Light, maybe a few guys from the po-dunk fire department out for a smoke break, or maybe some of those auto-repair guys from across the street all craning their necks to see what that strange NOISE was on the pavement in front of the P.O. (splat…and then laughter).

    Love you!

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