River Speak

My son is hilarious. He has natural wit and accidental humor. Here’s a few of my fav’s from his mouth…. and as he comes up with them, I’ll share more:

Post Hurricane Katrina, I’m in a bad mood, kids won’t clean up their room. I say, “You know, I’m just gonna pick up these toys on the floor and send them to the kids in Louisiana and Mississippi, because the hurricane washed all their toys away and they’ve got nothin’ now!” That night at the dinner table, River announces to his dad that he is going to send some of his toys to “Mrs. Ippi” because her kids lost all their toys in the storm.


The kids and I are sitting at the table with one of my friends and her two kids. About to eat lunch, River says, “Wait! We have to say grace first!” My friends daughter, who is an absolute hoot in her own rite, says in a very matter of fact way, “We don’t say grace. We are not Christians.” River looks around the table at all of us, grins, and says with the appropriate tone, “Awkward!” Folks, he was like, four years old!


I am driving the kids home after school one day, talking about their day. River holds up a paper ghost, wearing glasses, playing a guitar, glued to a Popsicles stick. Ruby tells me about her day. Then we are quiet…just heading home. River breaks the silence to announce that,”Mom, F#ck is a bad word.” Me… “OH MY GOSH YOU BET IT IS! WHERE DID YOU HEAR THAT? THE BUS? SOMEONE AT SCHOOL? SOMEONE IN KINDERGARTEN? WHO DO YOU KNOW THAT IS SAYING THAT WORD?!?!?!? I am clearly freaking out. He starts to cry. Oh…..um…..oh……did you hear momma say that word? Daddy when he fell the other day? Honey…honey… it’s ok, you can tell me. Through his tears he tells us that they were studying the letter F that day in school. The kids were sitting around sounding it out…”Ffffaaaahhhh, Ffffaaahhhh, Ffffaaaahhhhrog.” You get the idea. Well, that’s when my boy dropped the F-bomb. Accidentally of course. I asked what his teacher said about it. She said we don’t use that word in the classroom. Clearly. But it has been heard on occasion at his home. To top it off, he says to me, “Mom, I don’t know bad words, really. But I know bad manners.”


2 thoughts on “River Speak

  1. I was there…. My child is the heathen that didn’t want to say grace:)
    It was hilarious!
    That River can always make me smile- A LOT like his MAMA!
    Keep them stories comin’, friend!

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