So today was a usual, non-stop busy day. Work…kids to swimming..home for a quick bite and then off to the meeting of the week. This time it is an awards assembly for “Outstanding educators and volunteers.” I am not a recipient, I’m a presenter. And I am running late. You think about the phrase, “running late” and equate it to rushing and not being on time. I was actually RUNNING. And I was late. I arrive at 6:35 to a 6:30 start to the assembly. As I approach the doors and large windows to the auditorium, I can see many of my friends from other schools… and my peeps from my kid’s school. There’s Jen! And Chuck! Lisa and Percy, oh! There’s Kim, my award recipient, there’s our principal, Joe, and there…..there….. there is the cement. The cold hard cement. I am carrying flowers, in a vase no less. I know what matters and sacrifice my knees and left elbow…only spilling most of the water. I am humiliated. The crowd of 100 or more people…just 20 feet away. I pull myself from the bizarre gravity sink hole just this side of the auditorium doors and HUGE windows. I go inside…no one comes to my aid… no one even LOOKS at me. I glance back at the windows in disbelief…..Did they not see how I saved those flowers from certain distruction? Did they not see my squenched face and the harsh contact with concrete my left side just had. Ahhhh…. they didn’t! They can only see their own reflections! I decide that, since no one saw me fall, it didn’t really happen. ‘Cept for that huge hole in my tights. I am relieved that these people I have to get up in front of and speak to, have no idea of my absolute lack of grace.

Golden Acorn – A Golden Acorn Award is presented, by a local PTA unit or council, to a volunteer in recognition of his/her dedication and service to children and youth. Since the beginning of this program, more than 44,000 Golden Acorns have been presented to volunteers throughout Washington State. A contribution in the name of the recipient(s) is made by the honoring PTA to the Washington State PTA Financial Grant Program. From these contributions, WSPTA is able to provide grants to freshman students entering post-secondary education.

I am PTA President. It sort of happened by circumstances… beyond my control. Last year I was VP. That worked just fine. It actually worked super, because we had two “Co-Presidents” which really makes the VP ultra insignificant. I could handle that. Then a rift happened between the Co’s, one left. End of the year, the other one left. No one stepped up, so by default, I am now kicking and screaming, but President non the less. I just started a full time job folks. I am struggling to find time for my own kids, not to mention OTHER people’s kids. Don’t get me wrong, I love my kid’s school… it is incredible. I love other people’s kids and was so involved last year. I miss the staff and am often torn with whether I should have taken a job, at a different school, or continued volunteering at my kid’s school. I love those people.

And that brings me to Kim, my Golden Acorn. She was a Co last year, and left….. I almost bailed with her… we was havin issues with somone, aka “other co.” But I stayed on. Power struggles in Elementary school PTA’s are some serious shit folks. So… Kim is now the VP to my lack of P. She does everything. Me… nutin’ no time. She really does do so much. Do you realize, that at most schools it is just a handful of dedicated moms that make the fun stuff happen for your kids?!?!? It is a lot of work and they get sucked dry by the time their kid is in the 5th grade. But not Kim… she keeps on going. So… with my skinned knee, I stood up there in front of 100 PTA’ers and Educators, and rattled off all her fabulous gifts. Then I said..”I love you Kim!” and planted one on her cheek. Applause… and not just the men. Its funny… I was so nervous about what to say.. and feeling insecure because… I don’t know, because I fell down a while earlier. But when I got up there and realized the moment was really about Kim… well, my blubbering did me well.

I’m gonna go dab some Neosporin on my knee now… and throw away my tights. Good night!

What’s Wrong with this picture

Remember those picture games in Highlights where you had to find all the things that were wrong with a picture? This is my demented version of the game:

What’s wrong with this picture?

The boy is actually running from a Great White Shark charging the beach while Dad sees this as a great photo op.

What’s wrong with this picture?


First, the child has no legs, second her mother has no face, just a massive amount of hair, and last but not least the dog is tied up with an extremely long piece of kelp. For those of you unfamiliar with Northwest seaweed species… I tied my dog up with seaweed. Seaweed. She smelled better.

Finally, what’s wrong with this picture?


This is NOT my house. I DON’T actually live here. I HAD to leave. Very wrong.

Thanks for playing!

Chillin wit my hommies in the OC

Word. That’s right. Last weekend I was chillin in the OC with some of my homies. Hommies? Is it two m’s or one? I don’t feel cool anymore. Let’s be real, I am just a white girl from the Northwest. I was hanging out with friends. And the OC is the Oregon Coast, not Orange County. Non offense to my reader in that part of the country. I have 4 readers. (me smiling).

For the last forever of my life with Mark, we have gone to the Oregon Coast over President’s Day weekend. The trips went like this:

Mark, Lisa, Leica (dog-puppy) camping in tent.

Mark, Lisa, Leica, camping in 83 Westy.

Mark, Lisa, Leica, Ruby in 83 Westy with a stroller.

Mark, Lisa, Leica, Ruby & River in a cottage a block from the beach, with a double stroller and a pack and play, and half of our house back home. Oh..and we are joined by friends who are adding kids to the mix, gradually and their array of kid paraphernalia.

Now, 11 years later, it is Mark, Lisa, Leica, Ruby & River with friends and their two kids, with only the basics, in a ocean front house, drinking Mai Tai’s . We know how to upgrade.

It was a beautiful and relaxing weekend. Sunny. I grew some more freckles. I still have sand in my hair. River cried when we had to leave, bless him. Leica… our almost 12 year old lab/retriever mix was so happy. She is still so spry. I won’t go to the ocean with out her. It is her happy place. And besides… she would know and I can not handle the guilt that dog dishes out. We will go back next year… if we can wait that long.



How do they DO that?

Kids……hmpf! I got the brilliant idea that I would watch a movie with my kids in the back of our van on a long drive home. Got the laptop set up…. surround sound, curtains pulled. We have a sweet van… VW Eurovan weekender. Anywho…. not FIVE minutes into the movie, I am ready to hurl. Total car sickness. True. I can’t even look at pictures in a magazine while in a moving vehicle anymore. What happened? And how come my kids are fine? Totally fine, through a 2 hour movie! WHY?!?!?!

My equilibrium is junk these days. I mean… I’ve always had balance issues, blamed it on my one short leg (dumb thang is just enough shorter than the other one to skim the ground and take me out). But car sickness? And boats….. the galley of a little sailboat is certain doom for me. Doesn’t happen on planes….well…maybe a little.

So why now? Post children. It is probably a post children side affect. Isn’t EVERYTHING? It wouldn’t have anything to do with my problamatic encounters with alcohol in college. Prolly not. Does seem very similar…..(flashback) but lets tack this one on the kids.

You guys are going to think I’m a hyzulfipochozulfondriac. I’m not.



Wow… so last night, I’m sitting on the couch reading a pirate story to my boy…and my eye starts wiggin out. I was not trying to get all ‘piratey’ for the story either. Argghh… blimey eyesights goin again….scratchin me eyebrow with me hook you know. Seriously now, out of character, my eye was FAREAKING OUT! Left one… flashing… like I could see a ceiling fan just in the peripheral…then that overwhelming feeling of stupidity (see ‘illin’) takes over. It starts to all feel so familiar……………….

Last spring the same thing happened. I was minding my own bidness…talking to a friend while our boys tore up her nice house, and then my vision started freakin out. Being the optimist that I am, I was certain I was having a stroke, or a brain tumor, or one of those other things… an angio…angina….ANURISM! In a panic, I drive my kids to another friends, progressively going blind, call my husband, call the doctor….. call loved ones for that “I don’t know what is happening but I love you” call (my apologies if you did not get the call, I love you though). I love to keep my peeps as freaked out as I am.

In to the eye doctor…(this is what my MD recommended). He takes me to a room and I begin to describe what is happening. He is sitting there, seriously saying, “Go on! Go on! Then what happened? Beautiful! Beautiful! And then?…yes, yes….” meanwhile his feet are bouncing up and down and he is on the edge of his seat with anticipation. You would think I was about to pop out a golden egg with the way this doc was so excited. My word! I have never seen this guy before, the other doc in the office is my doc, my friend and on his day off. This guy… this incredibly enthusiastic doc overjoyed by my odd condition was well…. I can’t find words, but at least I realized I wasn’t going to die.

“What you are experiencing is an Opthalmic migraine! You probably are feeling pretty funky right now, little like being drunk?(me nodding, I am familiar with drunk) Next you will probably want to go lay down for a few hours, and you might throw up a few times, but I assure you, you will be fine.”

So last night, I knew what was coming. Kissed the kids goodnight and went to bed myself. Unfortunately it was not gone in the morning. Sure I could see, but you wouldn’t think so by watching me! My balance was junk so I could hardly comes that nausea… and back to bed. No worky today. Illin’ for sure this time. The other day must have just been a prelude to this crap. Called my boss, she didn’t sound surprised that I wound up like this. I’ve been putting in a lot of hours lately. Stay home she says. I did. Valentine’s day. I got up around 10:30, hung out with hubby, had lunch at our little neighborhood store, with other Valentine couples. I even, late in the afternoon after the eye/head freak session had fully passed, made it to my kid’s school for their Valentine’s day parties.

Not a bad day after all, eh?

Roll Bounce…not!

Way back in the second grade, I went to a roller rink for some kid’s birthday party 30 years ago (do the math folks…I’m ‘up there’). It was my first time, and my last time until last Saturday night. See…back 30 years ago I scrambled around like someone had strapped roman candles to my feet. No control…at all. My friends are cruisin around… listening to “Hot Blooded” by Foreigner (thank God we didn’t know what the song was about!) I was scared and awkward, and could not stop my crazy feet. Neither could a rather large woman. I plowed into her, made her fall, made her mad, embarrassed both of us, and I never went back. Childhood trauma.

But now, old things are new again. My son and I join friends for a Mommy/ son date at the local roller rink. He picked it up, no prob. I did not. I finally had to NOT hold hands with him… I was a hazard. The mommy hazard. He had such a good time, and I see now that I will be going again. As hard as it is for me, he loved it, and was so proud of himself. For that I will endure my childhood trauma over and over again.

Great movie of roller skaters with mad skills, Jenny this is for you:



Today I didn’t feel good. Kind of foggy headed, little weak, but it was not crippling, so I went to work…lots to do today. Now, when some folks are ill, they might show symptoms of pale skin, fever, sore throat, and have the sense to stay home. Not me thank you very much. I get a bad case of the ‘stupids.’ I’m sitting there, at my desk, looking at my computer…..with no idea what I was just about to do. Or even what I HAVE to do. Dumb look on my face says it all. Folks walk by, “Wow, Lisa, are you not feeling well?” My response, “………..uh……….mmmm……nah, not really, why?” My mind was going a mile an hour. I thought… I’ll just get through this one big job, and go home. Boss agrees, but the task takes me all day. Why? Cuz stupid is as stupid does.